THOU SHALL NOT BE SO QUICK TO SCOLD ME.
Do not tell me that “I know what I did.” I do not. Tell me what my infraction was in
simple, concise manner. I want to please you, but I have difficulties inferring
meaning within a vague statement. For instance, do not say please clean up your
bedroom.Tell me Exactly what you want, such as “Please make your bed and pick up
your toys.”
THOU SHALL NOT COMPARE ME TO OTHERS.
Please remind me and note the talents I possess. This increases my confidence
and positive self worth. Learning disabled or not, we ALL have talents to contribute
within society. I need you to help me realize what mine is. Believe in me and I will
believe in myself.
THOU SHALL NOT EXCLUDE ME FROM ACTIVITIES.
Please do not mimic me, ignore me or bully me. Please invite me to play with you. It
hurts when I am excluded. I like to run and jump in the playground, and be invited to
birthday parties too. Grownups can help me make friends by encouraging other
children to play with me. I can be a loyal friend if you get to know me.
THOU SHALL GIVE ME CHOICES
I do not like being ordered about any more than the other children. Give me choices
so I know you value my capabilities and opinions. Make them simple and concise.
Present two options or so. I get confused when too many questions or directions are
given at one time due to my processing speed. For instance, ask me if I would like
to wear my blue sweater or green one, rather than asking which sweater I would like
to wear.
THOU SHALL NOT JUDGE ME BY MY DIAGNOSIS, BUT MY CHARACTER.
I am an individual, just like other children. As my son used to say, “Mom my name
is John (name changed for anonymity) not Aspergers.” A profound statement
would say. :-0)
As a mom that really tries. My therapist says, “I way over compensate for my son!”
(I will share his name but you must see or find it in my post “My get away if” @http://ollamok.com/2013/09/15/my-get-away-if-written-7-26-13-by-ollamok-2/)
Here are my personal ties to these thoughtful Commands of Mari Nosal’s.
I am guilty of this quite a lot. But then again my son has hidden his talents quite well.
Recently I discovered I was right about his reading level or understanding being
much higher. Yet, was until recent a provider put things in to a term or used concrete
adjectives that brought clarity to me. This provider said his anxiety will make him
function at ( I know many do not like these words but they exist and carry a meaning
that is clear. To be clear I hate the words myself because I see that those on the
spectrum are treated this way when they are often smarter than a person assessing
them. I have often been treated this way. I either get real mad or think they are
ignorant and go on. That is harder to do when it deals with a passion of helping
those in society that are the most vulnerable. If not for my son, I would go crawl into
a think tank organization and forget this stuff) M. R level. Because I know my son
and this has been proven again and again, I fail on this in many ways. I struggle with
this where my husband is much better. It is frustrating for my son I know. Why?
Because I have to stop people and slow them down. However, when I do slow
people down and they get I care; they tended to come back to me and forever or a
long time. I could say much more but this is all I will except be patient with these
blessings from God. It is hard mom’s and dad’s I know. I will have to be mindful of
this till the day I die.
I do this and then I don’t. When my son says my parents didn’t are he shouldn’t do something; I do lots of reminding. I tell him I don’t care what he wants to do. I only want to make sure he has a job doing something he likes that he can make enough money at it. I tell him I could spend time doing something else besides a lot of time in him. I told him I don’t because I love him. Parents that care and take parenting serious do this. I tell him God does this for all those he loves and parents do the same. He will say he can’t are those that have special needs more or less shouldn’t have to do this. I quote and make an example of his favorite person on Earth at this moment. His Grandma Mallo! By gracious! She is 85 with one leg shorter than the other and a Club Foot. Special Needs this and that programs? Where were they then? Well for one there was the Shriner’s Hospital’s! Besides that she had to do most things on her own with the grace and help of God. She worked her whole life. She sacrificed for her four children. This shuts up a child that wants to get by using his disability as a crutch. I am the hard one in the parent chain. My husband is the softy. Being on the same page or closer might be better. I try harder and pray about this often. I am thankful to a case manager of sorts Dr. Samuel Oliphant. Before my wreck I had little time to find things like the Oklahoma Autism Network and other. That is why I want to write and inform others. We are missing a complete audience of people still going it alone.
I would say I never excluded Tanner from an activity. If anything I drug him to too
many. Accepting that he isn’t as extroverted as me; by a person I will be grateful to
forever and still seek her guidance from OKAY pointed this out to me. I do not see
this in myself; I mean being outgoing. I can see that my husband is much closer to
Tanner in the social quietness section termed introvert by this person I owe so much.
I have to do more of letting Tanner be Tanner. He doesn’t have to do everything to
be more social. I know he needs to be but he doesn’t enjoy it so stepping back a
bit might be wise.
9. I try to do this with Tanner. But, as a parent, I have to see that I expose and push
him out of the nest. Giving him choices I do. I forget sometimes that he is a teen,
seventeen. He is capable of all that I say but I keep pushing on and on treating him
as if he a child. Then again, my mother still introduces me as her baby. Therefore,
it could be the natural order of things. Should I get down on myself too much or
continue to try to do better?
I wouldn’t say I judge people by their diagnosis at all. If anything I might over
explain them by their diagnosis. Guilty of doing this with my son. My son may
have perceived this or my spouse but I have never been ashamed of my son. I
have felt blessed by him. Tried by patience with him maybe more so because of a
diagnosis but not about him. I only looked for a diagnosis as a launching pad to
look for things to help and do for him or understanding to get ideas for helping.
Perfect I am not but I try. I hope this has been helpful. I love this book because it hits at the heart of help and core of parenthood. Honesty at the core.
Reframing Resources 